As a student at Boston College completing Psychology B.S. and Philosophy B.A. degrees, I hope to merge my academic pursuits with proactive immersion into new experiences. I strive to stretch out my comfort zone as much as possible by going beyond it as often as possible. I hope to improve my writing in such a way that I can make even the most nonchalant reader empathize with my story. My goal is to give the world as much value as I can, while keeping the site owner Sean from taking credit for it :-p
I have a friend named Exhibit X. What is the reason for his name? He has been a participant in an ongoing single-subject design psychology experiment about personal transformation for the past 2.5 years, and confidentiality is major in most experiments.
This experiment is not of academic caliber. Instead, it is an experiment in folk psychology. It is an experiment that his friends took on in order to change his habits, specifically, his dating habits.
Exhibit X suffers from what we all suffer from quite often: fear of taking action in pursuit of the opposite sex. The reason he is special is because he does not repress his ever-changing feelings at all.
In fact, he feels a great need to express them repeatedly to all his closest friends, and has done so on a consistent basis for the past couple years. Consequent action on the part of Exhibit X has been rare after these moments of expression, which are better described as emotional breakdowns, despite frequent talking about taking action.
Exhibit X’s fear is a great example of the fear of taking action in order to improve at something, be it playing an instrument, computer-based coding, speed reading, dating, or anything that can be called a skill. A popular blogger on improving a skill is Cal Newport, whose blog talks extensively about a concept called deliberate practice.
Deliberate practice is the act of partaking in an activity with full concentration, obtaining and analyzing feedback on performance, and enhancing performance in the activity by inputting changes that are deemed necessary after analysis. Put simply, this is how people get good at things.
Exhibit X could have used deliberate practice and obtained great benefit. He knew that he had to take action. His friends know very well how much he spoke of taking actions that should have been taken the earlier week during the last emotional breakdown.
But he still feared taking action, because it just seemed too difficult.
One reason that deliberate practice works is that it is used to break down an aggregation of skills into smaller units, making the aggregated skill seem less intimidating.
Take Exhibit X’s dating habits for example, which are underdeveloped and must be worked on from the beginning. Any work on his dating habits must involve approaching the opposite sex, being able to pique interest, finding a way to establish a meeting later on, and other related behaviors.
The aggregated skill of dating can be broken down into those 3+ skills. But these skills in turn can be broken down even further.
Approaching the opposite sex can be broken down into eye contact, a thought about attraction that is used as a trigger for a no-hesitation initiation of the approach, tone of voice when starting conversation, an opening line, etc. Working on these smaller skills seems less intimidating than trying to work on the skill of approaching without having thought about or directly practiced any of its subsidiary skills.
Deliberate practice, viewed as a breaking down of aggregated skills and practice of smaller skills, may be important in making strides in the personal transformation of Exhibit X. It has the potential to make things seem less difficult for him when it comes to dating, and to encourage him to begin taking action weekly, instead of bluffing about it. It may even open him to the strong feelings that are associated with success and failure in pursuit of the Epic Life.
For that to even be possible for anyone, action must be taken where taking action is difficult. Deliberate practice can make this a bit easier.
Let us pretend you’ve been ‘Taken’ into the middle of Kathmandu, and to survive you must pick from one of 5 occupations: Hindu priest, street beggar, mugger, shoemaker, or potential spouse.
August 21
The town of Pashupatinath contains a Hindu temple to the deity Shiva. Inside the temple grounds, a couple Hindu priests heckle me, repeatedly asking me if I want a ‘special pooja.’ Inside a shrine, a priest performs a ritual to bless my family and subsequently informs me that I must cough up a large monetary offering.
~ August 24
My friend and I are hurrying to class at the Ka-Nying Shedrub Ling monastery and we don’t have time to eat the second large banana pancake she accidentally ordered, so I ask the waiter for a plastic bag and stuff the warm pancake inside the black bag. We know of a couple street beggars that are always begging to make eye contact with Westerners.
~ September 04
My friend Stefan explains to me how some professional muggers operate in Kathmandu. They will see me walking alone at night on a deserted, poorly lighted street. A man will show up right in front of me, and within that moment of surprise, another will come up from behind and tightly wrap something around my neck/head (with a specific technique, placement, or scent) and I will lose consciousness. When I wake up soon after, I will find that all my money has disappeared.
~ September 06
I find some shoemakers sitting on the side of a street leading to the Boudha Stupa. One of them takes my ripped shoe and tells me that I can pay him whatever I want. After the shoe is fixed, I offer money but he won’t accept it. He wants me follow him into a store a little ways away, which he has obviously pre-designated, and then buy food for his family.
~ September 06
Walking alone on Boudha Main Road, I look around through the dust and crowd for a friend. Suddenly, a Nepali man asks me if I am looking for something, in a suspicious manner. I tell him I’m fine and walk on. A nearby Nepali woman holding a baby smiles a big smile and asks me, “Where are you from?” I tell her I’m busy and I keep walking. The man from earlier tails me for a minute or two and then begins to walk beside me, at which point he informs me, “That woman is looking for a husband.” I respond with, “No, thanks.”
Choices A-Plenty
It feels as if I am the protagonist in each little story, weaving through strange forces. It is stranger still, how during the actual events, I felt that their goal was centered on me. Could it be that I have mistaken the object of their actions? If I mistook the object as myself, instead of what it actually is, maybe they committed a similar error.
Immersion into another culture can lead to questioning the validity of cultural values. The value system in Nepal is simply not the same as it is in the U.S.
On Wednesday night, Tashi, the father in my host family, dropped a friend of mine off at her guesthouse on his motorcycle, the vehicle of choice in Nepal. He later said to me, “Stephanie asked me if I wanted to meet your other friend (Lauren) and I said no” (according to Stephanie, he just asked, “Who’s Lauren?” and left without addressing the request). It was innocently assumed that he was just in a hurry to get home even though he did not give her an excuse or a reason for ignoring the request. An American who did not want to meet someone might have tried to immediately dissipate any awkwardness, but Tashi was indifferent.
He continued explaining to me, “I have no negativity about it. It is just not important. People around here do not talk to others with whom they have no business.” His wife Pema affirmed his comments. When asked to clarify, she used a metaphor to emphasize the apathy: “It’s like being asked, ‘Do you want water,’ and answering, ‘No, I don’t want any. I’m not thirsty.’” The lack of amiability among strangers does not have a positive or negative charge; it is not an issue but a way of life that is accepted unanimously, a convention.
Now why might this way of life seem odd to us? Many people might try to argue why being open to talking with strangers for small talk or being open to meeting new people can be a positive or negative thing, and understandably so. Our values can easily be taken for granted, and when this is the case, we fit every unfamiliar thought, behavior, or attitude into a cozy little pocket within our mind’s hierarchical value system, whether we are aware of this need to systematize or not.
Could the outwardly unusual nature of Tashi’s behavior point to the fact that a value judgment has already been made? Believing that he was in too much of a hurry to get home is a projection of our own values onto another culture; that explanation would more than likely suffice for a plethora of similar behaviors in the U.S. If you have spoken with local Nepali people however, you will soon realize that people here are hardly ever in a hurry. Being stressed out and busy is disgusting, revolting (sorry Wall Street, but this is an exaggeration that is mostly true). Lollygagging is rampant.
“A QUITTER NEVER WINS AND A WINNER NEVER QUITS” – Napoelon Hill2
The Middle
Despite the situation at the outset of this musical endeavor, I stubbornly persisted in my efforts for four years, with increases in skill coming at a slow, crawling pace. I gave myself the benefit of the doubt and attributed my lack of skill to my lack of experience. At the end of those four years, I had the same number of years of experience that the aforementioned talented guitarist had when I first started playing. But, I still wasn’t good enough. I had nowhere NEAR the flexibility and ease of playing that he had back then. I was still a novice! The average guitarist with four years of experience could easily play pieces at the intermediate level!
Asking myself questions like the one I asked at the beginning of the article, my mind became muddled with self-doubt. And if I was going to live the Epic Life outside of my own mind, I would have to pursue an activity where I had a realistic shot at excellence, which implied consistent progress. But if I couldn’t excel here, why would I be able to excel anywhere else? None of the answers I read or heard sufficed. I couldn’t accept this phenomenon called “failure.” It just seemed so obvious to me that I was always capable of mastery in this field. Thanks to Lady Fortune, I turned out to be right.
2Hill, Napoleon. Think and Grow Rich.
A deleted excerpt from Does Talent Matter? These thoughts were seeds that inadvertently led me to burn out from the Epic Life during Fall 2011, try and detach myself from such ambitions for half a year, and begin the path once again with a new vigor in April 2012.
“I am persuaded that had Sir Isaac Newton applied to poetry, he would have made a very fine epick poem.” – Samuel Johnson1
When striving to excel in a particular field or master a certain skill, does talent matter? It always separates out those who will learn quickly and those who will struggle. I can write with authority on my days as a budding musician.
The Beginning
When I hit those guitar strings with the force of my purpose, my creation would sound…MUTILATED, like I had taken something with the potential for beauty and twisted it into an ugly cacophony that could only elicit a response akin to “That’s not it! I recognize what it should be…but I just can’t bring myself to accept this…this horrible wrenching of my heart!” I made suffer the men and women of our earth for about, oh, four or so years. I was the best at what I did; no one will deny me that appraisal.
The End
After much research, I found that those living the life of excellence had a certain quality to their approach that was not given enough attention. I call it, awareness. Sure, many people came up with techniques and systems and wrote books that were meant to raise skill level. They worked fine for those who already possessed a heightened level of awareness, but such indirect methods did little good to those who lacked awareness. It is difficult to simply find awareness when the mind is preoccupied with other things, especially things that supposed gurus say are “important to focus on because this will get you from this level to that level. Just keep trying. You’ll figure it out!” It just seems so easy for them. Why? Because it is easy for them. Understandably, effectively teaching others what they sometimes unconsciously knew didn’t come as easily.
I ignored the superstructure for a while and I focused on building a strong foundation by delving into the world of meditation, Buddhism, spirituality, etc. By directly attacking my lack of awareness, I was able to come back to my practice with fewer distractions from my mind and more openness to noticing my mental and physical state before, during, and after practice. I directed my clearer attention towards becoming conscious of and then fixing all the subtle errors that had previously separated the supposedly naturally talented from me. This heightened sense of awareness performed wonders for not only my music, but for many other unrelated skills. Nowadays, it shows itself physically in my accelerated progress. In my mind, I have clear and very specific plans of how I will definitely attain excellence during each practice session and on the grand scale. However, right before I practice, I don’t think, “This is the beginning.” Instead, I think, “This is the end;” each moment of practice is another opportunity to excel, and I treat each one as if it is the only one that counts.
Conclusion: Talent doesn’t matter, Enlightenment is the answer! Just kidding. However, it seems that in the quote at the beginning of this article, Samuel Johnson was blurring the fine line we have made for ourselves between different specializations. Talent as we know it and speak of it is frequently narrowed down to specific fields, and many use this as an excuse to stay within the confines of their comfort zone and to stick to what comes easily to them. I vouch for DEVELOPING talent, and one very important tool that can accelerate this process is AWARENESS. Fish around in the plethora of knowledge out there on meditation and awareness. Then, cultivate it where it is lacking. Don’t just read about it but try it out and experiment with it proactively. Natural talent will seem overrated and be completely irrelevant and unnecessary to the pursuit of excellence that is a part of the Epic Life.
1Boswell, James. The Life of Samuel Johnson.
Words from a friend of mine named Lee!:
People love telling others what they think. Strangers tell me what they think all the time, and sometimes what they think is contingent on me being wrong- which I gladly grant. And whether I care to listen or not doesn’t really matter, insofar as they’re given sufficient air time without interruption we can move on with our lives. This happens on the street, on the bus, on Youtube, and it’s lovely. It really is. I think it’s great that literacy rates have reached unparalleled heights and that we’re witnessing a power-shift in the publishing world from the corporate to the community. But I find that it’s like being stuck in a anti-government rally. The goal is noble and purposeful;more power to the people of course. Yet there exists a clear-and often ignored-divide between those who rally for peace and those who rally because they get to chuck flaming wine bottles in the off chance of government retaliation.
And with loosely woven information being delivered from every direction, both from within and without the computer screen, it becomes nearly impossible to gauge the credibility of any single source. There was a study done that showed that nearly 37% of Americans believed that Jack Bauer, the protagonist of the television series 24, was real. Most people still believe what they see on television, where even the most absurd claims are taken to be somewhat veritable, however subjective they may be. This is great for people like Jim Cramer and corporations that feed off this collective ignorance, but sucks for those who want something more substantial than “Bieber Fever” on their daily news reel. As for me, I just find it increasingly difficult to laugh at things I hear and read about because I just don’t know what the hell is funny anymore.
If you want my opinion, which I’m sure you do, I think we’re now living in a period where anybody-and I really mean anybody- can shout into the Internet and be heard. I’ve had my air time, but I’ve also written things that I now regret because they’re either a distorted reflection of my personality or an utter lie. And what’s worst, there’s so much wordage in the these Internet soap box operas that if everyone cared to listen the advice of William Zinsser, whose opinion really matters, we could probably cut every article ever written(including this one) in half and still get the same message across fine.
Even then, who do I listen to in the midst of everyone tooting their own horns?
My Personal Myth
I am a nineteen- year-old college student who is going to make it big in this world. Many would rather ridicule me than bear with the alternative: impassive, or at best, half-hearted support. Their cold hardheartedness ironically fuels my desire with warmth that creeps around my mouth until I cannot bear it any longer… My mouth opens. The fire engulfs it all, everything that is within. Can you feel what I am feeling? Every muscle and every bone in my body SCREAMS for life. Have you been lucky enough to know? Ahh! So this is why I live? Hmm…interesting, to say the least. Let us stop and think for a moment.
Debunking the Epic
I stress the importance of living life as an epic based upon awareness of my own values, experiences, and, above all, emotions. According to the World English Dictionary, an epic is defined as “an episode in the lives of men in which heroic deeds are performed or attempted.” The attempt of a deed must come to fruition, with its nature being heroic in some manner or form. How do I manage this when, sometimes, it seems as if the world takes great pleasure in dishing out boredom left and right despite the knowledge that any lack of emotion is my own doing 100%?
If I ever need a reminder, all I have to do is look back at the beginning of this post, and try to empathize with the writer sitting by himself in his room in the heat of summer in front of a machine that complains about the heat using its loudest voice, a computer fan. Somehow, at that moment in time, this person who no longer exists in the same exact way he did then, managed to extract value from some simple feeling, reflecting, and writing, and incorporate it into his life. This value was within him and he had yet to act upon it. But for some reason, it felt as if a vibrant (and, dare I say it, ALIVE) emanation had already begun to influence everything and everyone around him. The key is to not end up satisfied with simply the feeling, because that only constitutes the beginning of the experience. Going back to the words on a screen is selling myself short. Taking that intense energy and channeling (determining the level and form of HEROISM) it into action (the DEED) will create physical value, within both my mind and the minds of others. Then and only then can the reminders become unnecessary. The lifestyle will self-perpetuate.
The Benefit
Okay, so now that I have a better understanding of what the epic life is, why should I strive to live it? If only the reason were to prove them all wrong, all the “disbelievers.” What a thought. Hah! It is easier just to rid myself of friends who disagree and instead surround myself with “yes men.” I would find an abundance of the passive if I were interested in bolstering my reputation. But alas, it is not that easy. Why then would I shoot for this seemingly delusional state of mind? Think of the rigors of the insurmountable climb, the heaviness of the world on one set of shoulders, and the daunting feeling of impossibility and helplessness. There is a violent clash here between triumph and failure, and in that violence I discover feelings that have the power to sway me in ways that other types of pursuits of happiness would not provide by a long shot. And so, I shoot my arrow at victory, but I make sure to tie the end of my arrow to the start of my day so that it never leaves today behind.
